a prayer adapted from a Celtic Daily Prayer

Lord, You have always given

Bread for the coming day;

And though I am poor, today I believe.

Lord, You have always given

Strength for the coming days;

And though I am weak, today I believe.

Lord, You have always given

Peace for the coming day;

And though of anxious heart, today I believe.

Lord, You have always marked

The road for the coming day;

And though it is hidden, today I believe.

Lord, You have always lightened

The darkness of mine;

And though the night is here, today I believe.

Lord, You have always spoken

When the time was ripe;

And though You be silent now, today I believe.

pondering prayer

“Praying”

It doesn’t have to be

the blue iris, it could be

weeds in a vacant lot, or a few

small stones; just

pay attention, the patch

a few words together and don’t try

to make them elaborate, this isn’t

a contest but the doorway into thanks, and silence in which

anotherr voice may speak.

(from Thirst, a collection of poems by Mary Oliver)

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Sometimes get overwhelmed with everything that needs prayer. I believe there are times to be intentional about praying, even to the point of having a ‘list’ and ‘schedule.’ But other times, I believe I can show my trust by asking the Lord to bring to my remembrance various prayer needs when they won’t just be a cause of worry or even guilt for me, but rather I can take them to him with the right attitude. I am also trying to learn to be sensitive to when a prayer request is something a.) I should just offer up to him once, showing my trust by not dwelling on it too much, or b.) I should offer up over and over, like the “persistent neighbor” in Jesus’ parable, showing perseverance in prayer until the Lord answers it.

Recently, as I was reflecting on some needs of my family and friends, I suddenly felt very alone in praying for them. I know my parents are praying about these things too, and sometimes we pray together, but I just sensed that these were some concerns that needed more of The Body lifting them up. In that moment, the Lord brought to mind several of my sisters and brothers in Christ with whom I could share these burdens, trusting them to pray as he guided them. What a comfort! I am so thankful for personal prayer as well as communal prayer..."wherever two or more are gathered...."

As I reflect back on my time in Rio, I am more and more convinced of the power of prayer. Not that I saw miracles because of prayer while I was there. But I believe there are miracles yet to come…

…if we continue to pray.

One of they main ways I experienced how God works through our prayers while I was in Brazil was the indescribable peace he gave me. Before I went, I watched an episode of the Brazilian TV series, “City of Men,” which realistically depicts favela life. I had very little sense of where I was going until that moment, and then I became terrified about what I was getting myself into. A few days later, my church in Jackson gathered to pray over me about my trip. As they prayed for my protection, I felt Christ’s “peace that passes all understanding” flood through me…and I never lost that sense the whole time I was there. I was living in “the ‘hood.” It was dangerous. My heart skipped a few beats in a couple of instances. But I never doubted that Jesus was with me and had his hand on me. (And I’m still alive! J)

Many nights, I stood on our balcony listening to gun shots in the distance, and all I could do was pray. Pray for the light of Christ to permeate the darkness surrounding me. I miss hearing those gunshots because I am not reminded so often to pray. And Rio still needs our prayers.

Even though I’m not there to send you stories and pictures, there are still children living on the streets, sniffing glue to dull the pain of their lonely, frightening existence. Please pray that the WMF team that is still there (as well as other believers) would persevere in their endeavors to build relationships with these children (many of them adults) that they might walk with them toward a life transformed by the death and life of Jesus Christ…transformed holistically.

Please pray for the children of Projeto Vidinha, who have wonderful people caring for them but who don’t know the love of a mother and father. (One of my most heartbreaking experiences in Rio was hearing these children sing in their church on Mother’s Day about the love of a mother…the mother they didn’t have.) Please pray that they will grow strong and healthy in mind, body, and spirit, and that enough funds and volunteers will be had to make that possible. Pray that they will accept the truth of the work Christ has done for them on the cross and learn to live it out in every area of their lives, exhibiting the freedom that comes from walking in the love of “the Father to the fatherless.”

I don’t pray enough. When I pray, Jesus does amazing things in my heart, freeing me to be of greater service to him…perhaps even to be the answer to the prayers I am praying for people in need, like those in Rio. I hope you may experience the same. I truly believe that God has great works to do in the world…if only his people will stand by him in prayer.

Sometimes we are asked to pray then go. That’s what I did over a year ago when I left for Rio. Sometimes we are asked to pray then wait. That is what I have done since returning from Rio. Now, I am beginning to have a sense that there is more going for me to do. Maybe it’s just right around the corner from my house. But wherever it is, I can’t do it without prayer. Praying without ceasing…

…having an ongoing conversation with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, whose grace I need more and more every moment.

“And my God will supply all your [and my] needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.” (Philippians 4: 19-20)

Why this blog might be silent for long periods...

Right now I'm super excited about blogging...feeling all eloquent and insightful and such. :)

...but I know myself too well to think this will last uninterrupted.

So often, I go through phases when "I got nuttin'." No inspiration. No insights.

Or even if I am filled with ponderings, I sometimes have no energy or time to write.

I'm not sure which is harder.

...but I'm learning to accept seasons. ("There is a time for everything" said a wise man.) Seasons of silence and seasons of expression. Both are good. For He is in both...and everything in between.

Two Songs...singing my heart

Waiting Room
-Shane Barnard (musician/lyricist)

i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in timeS
overeign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silencecause its all about You

i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You dont seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
'cause I’m in love with You.

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Tomorrow is a Long Time
(Nickel Creek)

If today was not an endless highway If tonight was not a crooked trail If tomorrow wasn't such a long time Then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all

Yes, and only if my own true love was waiting If I could hear his heart softly pounding Yes, and only if he was lying by me Would I lie in my bed once again

I can't see my reflection in the waters I can't speak the sounds that show no pain I can't hear the echo of my footsteps Or remember the sound of my own name

Yes, and only if my own true love was waiting If I could hear his heart softly pounding Yes, and only if he was lying by me Would I lie in my bed once again
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I'll just be open. I want to be married. I have just begun to be able to admit that out loud. I'm not in love, but I do dream about finding "my own true love." I don't think I've met a girl who doesn't do the same.

But more than wanting to be married, I want to be in love with Jesus. And I want to be like Him. If waiting for marriage is a fiery trial that will refine me, sanctifying me to be more fit for His use, then so be it.

I wanted to be married when I was 18. (How thankful I am that I wasn't!) Now I am grateful for so many years of singlehood. "And the unmarried woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit..." How wonderful to have so long to grow intimate with Christ, without other things about which to be "anxious!" It doesn't make me want marriage any less, but I realize that when/if it comes I will just be trading one beautiful season of sanctifying and serving for another.

Sometimes tomorrow does seem like such a long time. Yet I have learned there is Joy and Peace and Love in waiting.

And in waiting, I pray...

"Lord God,

Keep me humble, dependent, supremely joyful...as calm and quite as a sucking child...yet earnest and active...

If thou dost make me right, I shall be right.

Lord, I belong to thee. Make me worthy of thyself."

(prayer from The Valley of Vision)

Lessons from Life in Rio...Ch. 1: Many Members but One Body

While I was in Rio and when I first returned from there, I was trying really hard to “process” what was going on, trying to figure out what life-lessons I could take away from the experience…always wondering what were the profound truths about missions and poverty that Jesus wanted me to take away and what lifestyle changes he wanted me to make based on what I had seen and learned. For many months, I had no satisfying answers to my own questions or those that others asked me. I wondered if my time there was really valuable. Did it change me at all? Did it change others?

It has just been in the last few months that I have begun to consciously realize what truths I took away from my time in Rio…truths that apply here just as much as “on the mission field.” Over time, I hope to share a few of those with a prayer that the lessons I learned might be of value to you too.
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First, I grew in my understanding of the value of community, of being “many members but one body” (I Corinthians 12:12-31). I learned that sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ cannot be just a one man show. I learned that Christ uses me and my gifts to serve his purposes in ways I often don’t realize…ways that inextricably linked with other servants’ gifts.

When I was part of the “Servant Team” with Word Made Flesh, much of my activities and home life were shared with my two teammates, Kate and Mel. To me, the three of us were about as diverse as three people can come. Mel was a creative genius and go-getter; she came up with ideas and made things happen. Kate was an excellent communicator (in English and Portuguese) and had more compassion than anyone I know; she could really feel what others were feeling and communicate that to those of us without that sense. I…well, I wasn’t sure what I was for a while. I just did what I always do: took care of everyone in practical ways and made sure the house didn’t fall apart. I organized a lot of our meals, cleaned a lot (and pestered the others to do their chores!), and tried to help keep us on schedule. That didn’t feel very special or “missionaryish.” What was I really doing to help the kids on the streets come to Christ? Sure, I helped implement some of the other girls’ ideas, but I felt like my contribution wasn’t worth much…

…until both Kate and Mel lovingly told me how much my role meant to them. How they felt like they would not be able to function if it weren’t for the order and comfort I brought to our home and lives. How their compassion and creativity were properly channeled through my capability.

How humbling.

And how freeing!

What a thrill it was to realize that I could do what I enjoyed and God would use it to enable others to do the work of his Kingdom. What a privilege to see him work in and through me by using the natural abilities he had given me.

The same was true of my work in the “orphanage.” Projeto Vidinha was the place I chose to work twice a week, and I did that on my own since Mel and Kate had chosen a different local ministry in which to serve. P.V. was more like a large family of foster children than an orphanage. A lot like my family actually! So, once again, I took on a lot of the jobs I take on at home: cooking, cleaning, overseeing homework, reading to kids (I could do that in Portuguese better than I could speak it!), organizing crafts and games, teaching a little ballet, changing diapers, etc...

And once again, I wondered how it was really making a difference. And yet now as I look back, I think it did. Those kids heard the gospel preached by others. I hope they saw the gospel acted out in my simple service. There was no set program for my time there each day. As I walked from the bus each morning, I would pray, “Lord Jesus, please give me wisdom to know what my role is today, how I can be of the most service…” Some days I left feeling successful, and some days I didn’t. But ultimately I believe Jesus was glorified because he loved on that household through me---when I surrendered my need for success to him.

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Now, I'm back with my family (with almost as many kids as there are at P.V.!). Christ is continuing to call me to humble service, to use the gifts he has given me (and that I enjoy!) to enable others to grow in him. Sometimes I still feel so small and useless, but over and over he reminds me that so much more is going on than I can see. His Kingdom is advancing...and--by his grace and strength--I am part of it.